Freak billionaires like me are everywhere today. We’re rocketing off into space, eating exclusive melons available only to us, and killing our girlfriends in high-speed blenders. (JK lol!) Do you have your own Freak Billionaire story? Drop me a line. Freakbillionaire@yahoo.com
Freak Billionaire welcomes you! Today I read my horoscope and it said the day would be gloomy. I was outraged! I called my manager and said, “Can we lock this monstrous astrologer up?” And he said no, but we can dump a load of horse manure on her driveway. “Do it, “ I said!
I needed a human liver for an experimental facial potion I was working on.
The parents complained, “But our baby was still living!”
Shucks! Who could know?
My girlfriend Celebrity No. 6 farted in this man’s face at the Squaw Island Golf Classic yesterday. His wife thought it was pretty funny, but he was non-plussed. When you’re a freak billionaire’s girlfriend they let you get away with anything!
This is my CEO Bob Knickers. Boy he loves his money! Yesterday, he robbed an ATM in his own building. Disguised himself as Elizabeth Warren to fool the cops. Won’t she be embarrassed when they call! Down with the CFPB!
These ladies wanted my autograph the other day. I asked them what their credit scores were. Mid 600s. Fail! I squirted them with Mace and left.
I love boobies! So bouncy and bright!
I have Patent Pending #154295-4553 on them. I expect them to put up a fight!
Jewish people are so funny! The hats, the miracles, the way they own Hollywood! I hope to have a Jewish friend myself someday. They’re Meshugannah! Did I get that right? Meshugannah?
As a freak billionaire, I am a fanatic about my health. My exercise routine is mix of ancient Indian wrestling pit exercise plus yogic breathing and then I go for a 6 kilometer run plus brisk walk. I have a fit, powerful body for a 46 year old. I also have an 3T MRI in my home wellness room!
My best friend is meteorologist Trent Magill. Sometimes Trent tells me I’m a horrible person, but I know he’s just kidding!
I really admire Frasier Crane’s apartment, so I had mine done just like his!
Have you read Satoshi Nakamoto’s Bitcoin White Paper? Better plot than The Davinci Conspiracy!
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$1000
